


what are we, what are you

by jrangel



Series: ask me anything [3]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Developing Relationship, M/M, Miscommunication
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-24
Updated: 2017-02-24
Packaged: 2018-09-26 16:50:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9912029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jrangel/pseuds/jrangel
Summary: They’re dating— well, kind of. Honestly, Alex doesn’t need the labels, but Thomas is kind of throwing him for a loop with the signals he’s putting out.- - -Followsfrequently asked questionsandask my name, my permission, and my forgiveness. Same universe in which alpha-born are marginalized in the current society.





	

 

It’s strange how Alexander’s priorities change now that he’s got someone to vie for his attentions as persuasively as Thomas does.

Tentative affections become a whirlwind romance and it doesn’t take them long before they’re fucking with an almost end-of-days-like abandon, taking painstaking effort to explore every inch of skin available and acquire every iteration of moaned pleasure they can. They’re already at the stage in this thing they’ve got going on where they’re doing shit that’s borderline tantric at three in the morning when they both have full days of meetings ahead of them and just a few hours of uninterrupted sleep would serve them better than another in an already impressive lineup of orgasms. 

Sex is easy though. 

Thomas is an alpha whose scent, voice, and strength seem like something directly out of Alexander’s wildest, most shameful fantasies. The ones he’s always told himself he can’t have, shouldn’t even want, because he has always been independent to a fault and giving into the feeling of submission now shouldn’t be so heady, so incomprehensibly appealing, but it is and the contradiction leaves him reeling.

Like right now, Thomas is molded against the line of his back while they lie in bed, digging his fingers so hard into Alexander’s hips that the omega is keening loudly at the rough handling, is pushing into it, and can see the bruises he’ll be sporting for the remainder of the week in his mind’s eye, the mental image pushing him even further, making him dizzy. He’s utterly devastated by the time Thomas takes with him, and apparently Thomas is in no rush to come, all steady thrusts that leave Alex hovering just on the edge of completion, not enough to send him over. It’s torture, and trembling under the alpha’s careful attention, all Alex can do is reach behind him and sink his fingers into soft corkscrew curls and tug impatiently, needy in a way he rarely allows himself to show so plainly.

“What are you trying to do to me?” He whines, tugging at the curls again, insistent but also a bit rougher than he means to be.

The alpha’s hand travels from hip to throat, palm resting against Alexander’s pulse warningly, and Alexander sobs in frustration, wiggles back but is kept immobile, pinned and impaled.

“Testing your patience,” Thomas whispers silkily, all the while divesting teasing bites along the omega’s earlobe, the pace of his thrusts frustratingly shallow and unfulfilling. “And your faith. You know I’ll do right by you, don’t you sweet thing? You know I’ll give you exactly what you need?”

The southern lilt is coming out and this is the Jefferson that boils his blood, all upper class snot and untouchable greater-than-thou attitude, the Jefferson that triggers rebellion and jagged edges.

“Fuck you,” Alexander spits out and he tries to buck in the alpha’s grasp, knows he’s acting a brat, that Thomas is goading him into this response, but he’s been worked up to this point for the better part of an hour now and he feels like if he goes on another minute that he just might explode. His efforts are met with soft laughter and the hand at his throat squeezes teasingly, and all movement below his waist comes to a still. 

He’s crying now, desperation easing him through the humiliation of knowing that he’ll have to beg now, but he’s too far gone to care and if the alpha doesn’t start fucking him again soon he feels like he might pass out from the despair alone. “Sorry! Sorry, Thomas. Just please—”

The alpha shushes him calmly but firmly, smooths the hand still on his hip down until he’s clutching at the soft flesh of Alexander’s thigh, and then he’s coaxing Alexander’s legs further apart, and Alexander takes every cue like gospel, feels himself opening up, gasps as the position has Thomas sinking just a little bit deeper, the head of his cock dangerously close to nailing him right where it counts.

Alexander is out of his mind with need, held captive as he is, and all he can do is keen as Thomas starts up a rhythm again, still too slow for his preference, still just on the side of lacking. He squeezes around the alpha when he’s pulling out for another hitch of his hips and Thomas’s breath catches in his throat and he grinds forward a bit harsher than he probably intends, and it’s glorious but it’s a one-off and the alpha moderates his stroke to a languid slide on the next thrust.

“Don’t be greedy,” Thomas admonishes lightly and the fingers holding him open curl inward, nails biting half crescent moons into the meat of thigh.

“Thomas,” Alexander whimpers, reduced to a painting, fidgeting mess. The words start to spill out of him without his consent. “Please. I don’t know what to say. What do I need to say?”

“Don’t got to say a thing,” Thomas tuts, managing at once to sound both grave and condescending. “Just need to relax for me. Show me you trust me to give you what you need, sweet thing. Show me that and I’ll give you it, baby. I’ll give you everything you need.”

He feels like he’s on the verge of wailing, but Alexander absorbs Thomas’s words and he forces his body boneless in the alpha’s hold until he’s a sagging weight against Thomas’s chest, limp and receptive. Submitting feels alien and poor-fitting on him for the most part, but as soon as Alexander does what he is asked, he’s rewarded with a sharp buck behind him and the sweet and sudden drag is exactly what he’s been looking for and the rhythm that follows is fast and demanding and perfect. Alexander gives an embarrassing squeal at the sensation, Thomas’s cock pounding into his prostate with every thrust, pressing into the spot relentlessly. 

“Fuck! Yes! Yes! Yes!” He chants.

Impossibly, Thomas ratchets up the speed of his movements even more and the pleasure builds so suddenly that Alexander is pretty sure that he’s screaming as his orgasm catches him by surprise, the force of which has him arching back, his head knocking harshly against Jefferson’s shoulder, the palm at his throat curling just noticeably tighter as he feels warm heat fill him as the alpha comes seconds later.

He’s still floating in the afterglow when Thomas pulls out and away, knotting the condom and disposing of it in the bathroom before he returns to the bed, pulling the omega back against his chest.

As his brain struggles to come back online, Alexander wiggles around so that they’re face to face, one hand coming to rest on Thomas’s chest, feeling the alpha’s pulse gradually slow as exhaustion pulls on them both. His other hand wraps around the back of Thomas’s neck, pulling him in, pressing his lips against Thomas’s several times; quick little kisses that roam down the side of his jaw and to his collarbone.

“You’re an asshole.” He breathes, but there’s no bite in his words and he’s pretty sure that he’s smiling as he says it.

“You love it.” Thomas hums.

They come together like pieces of the same puzzle, Alexander tucking himself under Thomas’s chin, the alpha’s arms wrapping around the curve of his back, resting on the expanse of skin just above his waist.

They fall asleep.

 

***

 

“Your love bites are on the edge of becoming ostentatious, babe.” He’s poking at the swarm of burst capillaries at the base of jawline wondering if he needs to start investing in turtlenecks now that Thomas’s affinity for sinking his teeth into him like he’s a goddamn chew toy has become such a well-indulged pastime.

“You look good in my bruises.” Thomas breathes, curling around his back, looking at him through a half-lidded gaze in the mirror. “And you don’t see me complaining.”

Alexander knows what he’s referring to and he’s already promised that he’d take up a habit of trimming his nails more regularly.

“Those you can hide.” He points out instead. “Mine, however, require a bit more finesse to keep private.”

It’s early enough that neither of them have ingested even a drop of coffee between them and they’re both lethargic and slow moving in the light of day after such a long night. Thomas leans against him like he needs the support, purring in Alexander’s ear like an overly large cat, the hum of his plump lips tickling Alex where they rest near his collarbone.

“Why don’t you save your self the trouble?” Thomas murmurs sleepily, his hands kneading at the soft flesh around his hips, innocent enough that Alexander allows it while he continues to survey the extent of the damage. “Go as you are. Be unapologetically yourself.” 

Alex huffs out a soft laugh. “Someone’s loving this idea a little too much.”

“Mmmm.” Thomas kneads a little harder into his soft curves of his stomach and Alex finally has to swat his hands away when a flash of heat goes through him. The alpha whines unhappily and settles an arm more firmly around the omega’s chest, tugging him in. “The Hamilton that I know wouldn’t care what others thought.”

“And the Jefferson that I know would.” Alex retorts. “What’s going on with you?”

“Nothing. I just like them.” Thomas says innocently enough. “Purple is a beautiful color.”

Snorting, Alex dips out of the alpha’s hold and grabs his toothbrush, applying a line of paste before unceremoniously shoving the brush into his mouth. 

“If we spend anymore time talking about this we’re going to be late,” he says around a few perfunctory strokes. 

“Okay, I hear you.” Thomas says, taking the hint.

The alpha turns away from the vanity and is halfway out of the bathroom when a thought strikes Alexander with an abrupt forcefulness.

“Hey, wait—” He calls out whirling around to face Thomas, who gives him a mildly curious look. “Is this an alpha thing?”

They’ve talked about this briefly before and between them came to the realization that Alex’s understanding of alpha-born was strikingly incomplete and riddled with falsehoods and in need of constant correction. Nevis, as it turns out, had appallingly poor designation education for kids of grade school age and since Alex mostly received his schooling from tutors and private institutions after his father left, he had never managed to secure the traditional tutelage that most omegas and alphas had come to expect through secondary schooling. 

Thomas expression turns introspective and then a sort of slanted smile slides onto his face “Yeah, I guess it is.”

Cocking his hip against the counter behind him, Alexander nods encouragingly. “Explain it to me.”

“It might sound primitive, but bite marks are kind of important on a social level for us.”

“In what way?”

Thomas sways back toward the omega, pulls the smaller man into his arms, and hums.

“They’re a marker of trust between mates.” He lifts fingers to trace over the vicious-looking hickey beneath Alexander’s jawline fondly. “It’s a very intimate thing to bite someone here, it means a lot that you’d let me do that. Sure, it’s nothing like a claiming bite because those scar, those don’t go away, they mean something more permanent, but these are like badges of honor. You trusted me to be this close to you. There’s an element of pride seeing you display them without caring who sees.”

“Real talk now.” Alexander pips up, a trail of pale blue dripping out from the corner of his mouth as he talks around his toothbrush. “Let’s say I want to cover them up? Is that kosher? Is it insensitive?”

Thomas shrugs, still prodding at the inflamed skin, mesmerized. “I’d understand. I’d know where you’re coming from.”

It’s not enough information, so Alex pushes for more. “Okay, but like intent aside.”

“Intent aside…” Thomas continues, rocking slightly on the balls of his feet as he picks through his thoughts carefully. “It’s not the end of the world. It’s not even a dig at me. It would just make me happy to see my mark is all. It’s really just a preference.” Thomas snorts abruptly. “It would also make me happy if you’d stop wearing that one green button up you think makes you look _distinguished_ , but that’s not like a deal breaker either, you know?”

“Hey, um fuck you.” Alex shoves the alpha away, but apparently not hard enough because Thomas is still close enough to wrestle the squirming omega back into his arms, hooking an arm around Alexander’s waist, sneaking his thigh between the omega’s legs. 

“I’m trying to be sweet and understanding over here and all I’m hearing is flack,” Alex whines, giving into the manhandling when he realizes that Thomas is an octopus and resistance is futile.

“My sensitive boy,” Thomas teases. “I’m just saying that you don’t need to do anything you don’t want. I made a suggestion. You can take it or leave it.”

Alexander mulls over those words briefly while he’s getting dressed, sort of forgets about them when Thomas presses a steaming mug of coffee into his hands in the kitchen, and moves instead onto contemplating the lush curve of the alpha’s ass as Thomas cooks them a quick breakfast of scrambled eggs and toast.

It’s not until later when he’s reaching for Lafayette’s scarf hung on one of the coat hooks by the door that the conversation comes bubbling back to the surface. He fiddles with the fabric for a moment and Thomas gives him a questioning look, one that’s more _the fuck are you holding us up for_ than anything else, and it’s unreasonably endearing, so he takes a breath and abandons the woven knit where it hangs, sliding the door shut behind them.

Outside the apartment, Thomas’s eyes hone in on the spot under his jawline with a startling precision, stay there for a beat before he’s crowding into Alexander’s space, flattening him against the front door and smothering him in an appreciative parting of lips, his fingertips lingering near the bruise, pushing against the tender skin with something like adoration as he slips just a tease of tongue into the omega’s mouth.

“You’re so sweet to me,” Thomas murmurs once he’s pulled back.

Alexander hasn’t tried to be sweet for anyone in years, never really saw what was in it for him, but it seems that Thomas brings out the weirder sides of him. He tries to articulate that the best he can.

“I don’t know what I’m doing half the time. But I want this to work. Which means I don’t want you hiding the alpha bits you have to hide with everyone else, okay? When you’re with me, I want you to _be_ you.”

He punctuates the sentiment with a kiss of his own, lips pressed firmly against the alpha’s before he’s drawing back.

Thomas licks his lips and smiles. “I can do that.”

 

***

 

There are times, granted they are few and far in between, when Alexander worries that Thomas thinks he’s looking for a mother rather than a mate.

That being said, the lunches that Thomas packs him are adorable and delicious in equal parts and Alexander relishes each and every one that gets shoved into his hands before they’re out the door for work every morning. He likes that Thomas does so at the start of each day with a put upon expression as though Alexander is the one putting him up to it, but Alexander can tell that the alpha prides himself on his cooking and he’s not blind to the way Thomas watches him carefully whenever they eat together, like he’s counting calories or doing nutrition calculations in his head, meticulously cataloguing every reaction, every twist of his face and flutter of his eyelashes.

It’s cute, which fuck, Alexander isn’t quite sure how he feels about that, but there it is.

All this constant, mind blowing, toe-curling sex is leaving him soft as fuck.

 

***

 

It’s hardly a secret that Alexander likes to go out and dance every once in awhile.

It’s cathartic, the dancehall music they play at the club near his apartment reminds him of the parts of his homeland that he actually cherishes and wants to hold on to, the pulsing island rhythms feeding an identity that he usually keeps undernourished on purpose.

Still, he’s nervous the first time he asks Thomas to join him, waxes poetic words and everything trying to talk it up to the alpha, and Thomas just laughs at his enthusiasm and agrees like it’s no big deal, which in hindsight it really isn’t, but Alexander is excited and giddy as he plans the night out in his head, secretly pleased at the idea of showing off the cute alpha that will be hanging off his arm while the others only get to look. He thinks about the looks he’ll surely get as well, jealous betas who will regard Thomas with envy and Jefferson’s alpha possessiveness teased out of him in subtle ways that Alexander will greedily drink up himself.

They agree on a night and a place, somewhere alpha-friendly of course, and when Saturday rolls around Alexander and Thomas are pushing their way through the crowd until they’re somewhere near the center, where the bass is so commanding the floor seems to pulse under their feet, seems to swell in their chest like a force unseen.

Thomas is good, better than he expected at this, keeps an easy movement going, seemingly content to let Alexander take the lead, but adding in his own twists and turns as they move together to the beat.

“Oh, so the Virginian can move his hips?” Alexander laughs, impressed despite himself.

“You know I can move my hips, Alexander.” Thomas huffs and Alexander has to ignore how his stomach flips a little at the use of his first name even now when the alpha curls his tongue around it just like that. “First hand experience and all.”

“You know what I mean. The kid’s got moves! Was half expecting you to break out into a do-si-do.” He shouts over the music. 

A bead of sweat is making a trail down from the alpha’s hairline and Alex reaches out with a thumb to wipe it away, leaving his hands buried in cockscrew curls while they rock against each other. The alpha crowds in on Alexander not a moment later, his broad palms burning hot against the omega’s sides, guiding Alexander in a sensual wine of his hips, and grinding against him with increasing aggression.

“Didn’t think I would be able to keep up with you?” Thomas asks, and it is said in a way that Alexander hasn’t heard before, the slow drawl taking on a confidence and a teasing tone that has the omega squirming excitedly. 

His voice is appallingly breathy when it comes out, but really, who is Alex kidding? The alpha has a gift when it comes to making him light-headed. “If it’s any consolation, I’m very happy to have been proven wrong on the subject.”

The alpha is sweating profusely in the heat of the club and Alexander can smell him clearly, his scent familiar and arousing. He knows he must be sweating just as bad if he goes by the way Thomas has taken to lapping at his neck, salt on his tongue when the alpha pulls him in for a quick kiss.

“How are you doing?” Thomas murmurs against his ear once he’s pulled back. “Can I get you a drink?”

“Please.” Alexander returns, the buzz from music working its way into his skin, the thought of a drink sounding like just the thing for the moment.

“Don’t go anywhere.” Thomas rasps before he’s moving away, losing himself in the crowd.

Thomas isn’t even gone more than a few minutes before another man moves in on Alexander.

Betas have poorer senses in general, but it’s plain enough that Alex is an unmated omega in his prime and if the other man is a bit forward it’s because Alex is purposefully playing up the ambiguity of his availability. It doesn’t mean anything though; he’s just having some fun while Thomas gets their drinks from the bar, but when the song ends and Thomas still isn’t back, Alex looks around the dance floor worriedly, wondering if the alpha was having trouble finding him.

But then the omega catches sight of Thomas and strangely enough he’s standing at the edge of the dance floor, drinks in hand and his eyes watchfully looking in his direction. There isn’t quite a frown on his face, but he looks almost lost in thought, like he’s working something out in his head. The alpha’s eyes are diverted when another man comes up to his side, omegan in the way he tilts his neck to the side, smiling up at Thomas with a insincere, queued up sweetness. Whatever he says, Thomas shakes his head in response to and his eyes flicker up again to where Alexander is, waiting. Wasting no time, Alex abandons the beta and pushes his way through the throng of club goers, reaching the alpha with a question in his eyes.

“Where’d you go?” He shouts. His voice is swallowed by the reggaeton that’s spilling out from the speakers and he has to fight to be heard.

His hands slid over the other’s forearms, partially because he’s concerned about getting separated again and mostly because he just likes the way the other man feels under him.

Thomas shrugs in an unworried kind of way and hands over the rum and coke Alexander had asked for.

“You looked like you were having fun,” he says plainly.

“Not as much as I am now,” Alexander flirts, tugging the alpha in.

Alexander kisses to sooth even if Thomas thinks he’s playing it cool, cupping his hands around Thomas’s prickly jaw, biting at Thomas’s full lower lip. He draws Thomas close, running his touch over the muscular ridges of the alpha’s back, so familiar now beneath his hand.

When he pulls back, the alpha looks slightly dazed and he licks his lip slowly like he’s chasing after the taste of Alexander’s attention with his tongue. “Yeah?”

He drops his voice as low as he can get away with and lets sleaze pour from each syllable. “Claro, papi.” He purrs, trying for seductive.

Thomas snorts amused, but seemingly taken by the display. “You trying to be cute?”

Alexander grins. He wriggles closer. 

“Only if it’s working.”

 

***

 

Lunch today is mac and cheese. 

From scratch. 

With bacon bits.

His boyfr— 

Thomas. 

Thomas must really like him.

 

***

 

It happens again when they go out the next weekend.

While they’re dancing another man gets close to Alex, a little presumptuous but not unheard of behavior on a dance floor, and instead of the alpha pulling him closer, establishing the fact that they came to the club together, Thomas acts like he doesn’t notice. It’s not like he relinquishes his hold on the omega’s hips, and it’s not like he allows the beta man an inch that he’s already occupying, but the aura he’s projecting doesn’t exactly scream _back off, he’s mine_ which Alexander had been anticipating. Confused, Alexander sends the stranger a flat look that clearly exudes _no thanks_ before turning back to Thomas, pressing himself close to the alpha. 

He wonders if this is a behavior— or more succinctly— a _lack_ of a behavior he should concern himself about. He had thought that alphas were meant to be instinctively territorial of their partners and even thought Jefferson’s restraint was legendary, the lack of any reaction was notable.

They’ve never talked about their relationship in concrete terms, the discussion having been tabled for the more immediately gratifying, near athletic sex they’ve taken to having on such a regular basis. But it’s been months now, they each have drawers in the other’s apartment, and things are good, like really _really_ good, and maybe that means it’s time that they do.

It must say something about their relationship that they have passed so many milestones together but they haven’t negotiated even the most basic details of their exclusivity.

Alexander doesn’t want to make assumptions.

He doesn’t want to, but that’s exactly what he ends up doing.

 

***

 

Lunch today is chicken stir-fry, which Alexander practically inhales in the middle of a cabinet meeting, which gets him a lot of scolding looks, mostly from Adams who looks on him jealously from across the table, his face scrunched up like he’s taken it upon himself to be offended on behalf everyone else but Alexander’s stomach has been rumbling loudly for the better part of an hour now and he could give two shits at this point.

The alpha used a copious amount of fresh ginger in the vegetables and Alexander can’t help humming around a particularly spicy bite and the sour expression Adams shoots at him is next level poisonous. When Alexander glances at Thomas, the alpha is watching a meandering Henry Knox drone on with a polite attentiveness, but Alexander sees the slight quirk of his lips, knows that Thomas can smell the aromas of his own creation from across the room.

He doesn’t want to waste a single bite, it’s really that good, but when Washington is distracted by other things, Alexander flings a slice of carrot at the side of Adam’s head and snorts when the other man sputters wildly in indignation.

 

***

 

He doesn’t end up asking outright.

He goes about things indirectly. 

He decides to gather some more evidence.

He invites John over for a movie night on Tuesday while Thomas is spending the night at his and he cuddles aggressively into the beta’s side as they all squeeze together on the futon to watch the small laptop screen situated on the coffee table, but Jefferson doesn’t say a word about it, doesn’t even look phased by the behavior, just asks if the volume goes any louder and then gets up to refresh John's drink like the Southern gentleman that he is.

Burr comes into the office on Thursday and Alexander hangs a little too close, tries to get just enough of the alpha’s scent on his clothing that Thomas will notice, remembers how Jefferson had reacted the first time they had met, but Thomas doesn’t seem to even register the smell when he stops by his desk. The alpha smiles at Alexander’s appearance and tugs him close for a moment, lets his lips press affectionate kisses into the corners of his mouth before releasing him all too quickly, and doesn’t even scent mark him before he’s out the door.

They’re at the club again come Saturday and they’re hanging out at the bar, waiting for their drinks and an omega woman slides up against Alexander’s side and asks him he wants to dance.

“Nah, sorry…” Alexander begins and his eyes flit to Thomas, who is watching the exchange with a mild expression, giving nothing away other than a vague sort of curiosity. Thomas must think Alexander is looking for permission because the alpha shrugs.

“If you want.” He offers and collects his drink as it’s set on the bar. The way he says it is so casual that Alexander is taken aback.

“You don’t mind?” Alexander asks, unbelieving.

“Yeah, it’s fine.” Thomas returns plainly, taking a sip from his glass.

Alexander turns back to the omega woman, pretty and fey in appearance, almost sweet in her eagerness. She looks pleased as Alexander allows her to pull him back to the swell of the crowd and even as he spins her, curves himself around her and moves in the ways that are expected, he feels his heart sink to his stomach, and he just sort of just goes through the motions. He glances over his shoulder and sees that Thomas is chatting up someone at the bar. His eyes lowered as he talks into his drink, but there’s a smile curving its way around his lips that tells Alex that he’s enjoying himself.

He thought he would feel better once he knew where they stood, but Alexander feels worse.

 

***

 

On Monday, Washington buys the entire office burritos and even though Thomas packs him roasted root vegetables and brisket, Alexander forgets the Tupperware in the fridge and grabs one for himself. He eats it alone in his office, preferring the peace of solitude over the companionship of the break room, and when Thomas stops by later and asks him if he forgot to eat, lifting the purple container in question, Alexander shakes his head and points to the foil wrapper in the bin beside his desk and tells the alpha that he’s taken care of.

Thomas catches his bottom lip between his teeth and worries at the bit of flesh until it turns a rosy pink before nodding. 

He leaves Alexander to it.

Later that night when Thomas is removing ingredients from the fridge in preparation for dinner, Alexander waves his phone at the alpha and tells him that he’s already ordered a pizza.

 

***

 

On Tuesday, Alexander shells out six quarters for a protein bar from the vending machine and leaves the wrapper in plain view on his desk, so Thomas will see it during the meeting they scheduled with each other to discuss the progress of the alpha bill’s upcoming vote. It’s a productive talk, but Alex notices how Thomas’s eyes seem to flicker back to the wrapper every once in awhile, a strange sort of sadness overtaking his features.

He doesn’t say anything about it and they leave the meeting without once discussing the purple Tupperware sitting untouched in the break room refrigerator.

 

***

 

On Wednesday, he just skips lunch entirely and forks out the beautifully made cut of lamb into the bin before Thomas can track him down to press the issue.

Thomas finds him later anyway, appearing at Alex’s door with a slight frown pulling at his mouth.

“Is everything cool?” He asks without much in terms of greeting. He steps into the room and rounds the corner of Hamilton’s desk, leaning his thigh against the hardwood as he regards the omega with a thoughtful look. “I feel like I haven’t seen you eat in a minute.”

“You keeping score or something?” Alex asks a bit snottily while stubbornly keeping his eyes glued to his screen, determined not to meet Thomas’s penetrating gaze. 

“Nothing like that,” Thomas returns easily, as thought he doesn’t notice the bite in Alex’s tone. “I just wanted to know if there’s anything I could do.”

There’s a brief pause where Thomas takes in a soft huff of breath. 

And then he says, “You should have told me you didn’t like the lamb, I wouldn’t have packed it for you.”

Caught, Alex feels his face heat up. “I liked the lamb. The lamb was great. I just wasn’t hungry.”

“Okay.” Thomas says and the strained way he says the single word makes Alex curious if this is what the alpha sounds like when he’s lying. “Is there anything else?”

“Like what?” God, he’s such an asshole.

“You seem down. Did something happen?” And oh great, there’s genuine concern there and now the sinking feeling doubles and Alex doesn’t know if he can survive this conversation for much longer.

“I’m peachy.” Alex says at the same time his stomach growls loudly, the traitorous sound obscenely loud in the awkward air between them.

“Okay…” The flat tone in Thomas’s voice flicks a switch in Alex’s brain. This is what Thomas sounds like when he’s awaiting disappointment. “You know though, if you don’t like the lunch thing, you can tell me. I don’t have to do it.”

“It’s not that.” Alex says quickly, truthfully, but the words come out in this unconvincing, hesitant sort of way that does nothing to help his case.

Thomas looks crestfallen. “You think it’s lame,” he says.

“Stop it.” Alex bites out, angry at himself for having hurt Thomas’s feelings, but it just comes out as anger and he’s not centered enough to stop himself before he’s finished making a total mess of the situation. “I just don’t feel like eating right now, okay? Is that okay with you, Thomas?”

The alpha nods stiffly and moves away from him. “Okay.”

The subway ride to Thomas’s apartment that evening is almost unbearable, the train car stifling as the silence between them only stretches.

 

***

 

On Thursday, Washington slaps a Ziploc bag containing a PB&J in it into Alexander’s hands after a cabinet meeting and chides him for not eating again, something the other man hasn’t had to do since his days as the general’s aid de camp. Alexander looks up in the hallway and sees Thomas watching him sadly from his doorway. His head tilts to the side as he examines the omega and Alexander is about to ask him if he’s got something on his face when the alpha speaks. 

“Can we talk?”

 

***

 

“The past couple of days have been weird.” 

Thomas isn’t looking him in the eye and Alexander thought they were past this kind of thing, but apparently not.

“And I’ve been thinking a lot and I’ve come to the conclusion that maybe I need to take a step back from this. Get some perspective.”

Alex’s breath stops short in his chest. “What are you saying?”

“What I’m saying is that I think you should stay at your own apartment tonight and I should stay at mine.” The alpha’s eyes never leave the floor. “We’ve been so inseparable since we got together to the point that I think I’ve been neglecting some parts of myself, getting so lost in us that I haven’t been honest with myself. I feel like I need to work on some personal things and I think it would be better if I did that alone.”

Alex wants to ask if they’re breaking up, but then he remembers that there might not be anything to break up. This could have been a causal thing for Thomas, and Alexander could be the needy omega who read to far into it, who was ungrateful when Thomas was just trying to be nice, and now Thomas was extracting himself from their arrangement as gracefully as he could manage.

“Are we still talking?” Alexander asks. “Am I allowed to still text you? What are the rules?” He knows he’s rambling but he’s starting to feel frantic and like Jefferson is slipping through his fingers like sand and there aren’t movements quick enough to collect him up again.

“Look, it’s not a big deal. I just…” Thomas trails off. “Just give me a week to figure myself out.”

It is a big deal though if this imposed space means Alexander will be alone at the end of the day.

Alexander gives him the night.

 

***

 

Lunch today is—

Well, it’s whatever comes out of the vending machine because Thomas didn’t make him anything today. 

Thomas didn’t come home with him after work yesterday. 

Didn’t cook for him last night. 

Didn’t pack him a Tupperware for later.

Alexander stares at the alpha’s office door and wills it to open, to reveal the head of curls that he plays with before bed, the tight ringlets that he works fancy coconut oil treatment into because he loves the smell and the alpha takes such good care of his appearance, never forgets to moisturize before bed.

Thomas didn’t quantify exactly how much space he needed and Alexander wants to burst into his office and secure those specifications, but he’s afraid he already knows the answer and he doesn’t want to be told that the space the alpha needs is the exact same height, depth, and breadth as the omega he’s currently hiding from.

He’s been mopping for almost the entirety of the day, every worst case scenario running through his thoughts on a constant stream, and it’s when he realizes that he literally hasn’t typed a single thing in hours that Alexander gets up from his desk and decides to do something about this mess.

He’s outside Jefferson’s door in the next moment and pushing his way inside not long after.

“Can we talk?” He asks.

Thomas looks up from his laptop with an annoyed expression, his face scrunched into a scowl.

“Hamilton, I’m working.”

Hamilton? Ouch.

“It’s after hours.” Alex reasons. “Can you just spare me five minutes?”

Thomas lets out a long-suffering sigh. “Do you mean five real minutes or five Hamilton minutes because I’ve got deadlines too, you know?”

“I’m just going to come out and say it.” Alex begins, stealing himself for an answer he may not like. “Were you with someone last night?”

“ _What_?” Thomas hisses, looking appalled.

“You can tell me, I can take it.” Alex stammers. “I just gotta know. I’m driving myself crazy right now thinking about it, it’s like the only thing that’s stuck up there and I can’t shut it out. I’ve been thinking about it on a loop all day and I feel nauseous with the uncertainty, so if you could just—”

“No, Alex. Why would you— Why would I do that?”

“I don’t know! Why else would you kick me out? Why would you tell me that you’ve been denying yourself lately, getting so lost in _us_? What was I suppose to think?

“Not that!” Thomas exclaims, throwing his hands up. “Alex. I don’t know where any of this is coming from.”

“When people ask for space it’s because they want to fuck other people, right?” He’s nervous and his mouth is running away from him now, stream of consciousness filling the air. “Which, well, if that’s what you want… I don’t know. I thought I could handle it maybe, people make that work all the time, I hear. It’s like very fulfilling for the right people, but I don’t think I’m the right person because the thought of you with someone else fucking burns me, Thomas. I don’t like it. I don’t want you to fuck other people, I don’t want to break up, but it feels like you’re not that into me anymore and maybe that’s just something I got to be okay with—”

“Shut up.” Thomas barks suddenly. “Stop talking.” 

He swipes a hand across his face and looks up at the omega with wide and confused eyes. “I don’t want to fuck around on you, Alex.”

“Are you sure? You don’t have to lie, just tell me—”

Thomas cuts him off. “Why would I lie?”

“Because you’re too fucking accommodating for your own good sometimes.” It’s true and it emboldens Alexander to continue the thought without thinking about the implication of his words. “Maybe it’s an alpha thing I don’t know about and you’re embarrassed. I don’t know. I don’t know what the fuck is going on anymore.”

Alex watches as Thomas’s expression morphs from one of soft bewilderment to ice in a flash.

“You better reconsider what you just said to me, Alexander.” Thomas growls, sounding angry. “You think me being an alpha makes me incapable of fidelity? Because I’m too sex-obsessed to think with anything other than my dick, is that it?”

“No!” Alex denies quickly. “I’m trying to tell you that I’m worried that I’m not enough for you and you’re just too nice to let me down even when you probably should.”

“I don’t stop functioning if I’m not having sex, you asshole.” Thomas snaps. “And that’s beside the point. Have I ever given you the impression that I’m unhappy with our situation?”

When Alex doesn’t respond right away, Thomas clicks his fingers together in quick succession, demanding an answer. “I’m asking you a question.”

“No.” Alex mumbles.

“Then what is this, Alex?” Thomas asks, his teeth grinding together as his fatigue with the discussion begins to set in. “How do you interpret me wanting a few nights to myself as me abandoning us?”

Alex has this horrible leaden feeling in his gut, the one he always gets when he knows that he’s fucked up and done something very stupid. Thomas isn’t acting at all like someone who’s been caught out. He seems hurt and offended and confused, but none of it seems to add up in Alex’s head, so he tries his best to lay it out between them.

“We had that talk, right? Remember a few weeks back, I told you to listen to your instincts with me? I thought we were on the same page, I thought you were going to stop holding back so much, but then we go out and you’re all content with these other people hanging all over me like it’s nothing—”

“Because it was nothing.” Thomas fills in impatiently.

“Yeah, sure.” Alex amends. “It’s not like anything was going to happen, but it was like you didn’t even _care_. I get whipped away and you’re giving this vibe like ‘you do you, little buddy. Just wear a condom!’ and I’m stuck watching you chat some random at the bar, giggling into your drink like a schoolgirl because apparently I’ve stopped doing it for you. That’s not what I signed up for. I don’t want to see that shit. You’re _mine_. And I thought I was meant to be yours.”

And this time, when Thomas looks at him, the expression on his face makes it clear he thinks Alex is being deliberately obtuse or has spent too much time in front of the computer and it has addled his brain.

“Oh wow.” The alpha breathes a moment later and his eyes widen. “Like woooooooow.”

The laugh that tears from the alpha’s throat is ugly and too loud for the room. The sound of it makes Alex shrink back. “I get it. You’re disappointed that I didn’t go all macho alpha on some people at the club for wanting to dance with you.”

The omega’s throat tightens as he tries to form an argument, but the words get lost on his tongue. “That’s not it—”

“No, no I want to get a few things straight.” Thomas interrupts, raising an oddly formal hand to silence Alexander. “You’re upset, like actually _upset_ because I didn’t piss on your leg when other people hit on you? That’s the gist of what I’m getting here, so clarify that for me if I’m off the mark. What I’m hearing is that I treated you like you were capable of making your own decisions because you’re an autonomous adult and you felt like that was a sign of disrespect and disinterest?”

The silence that follows is charged with an unfamiliar tension and Alex finds that he can’t actually refute the evidence laid out before him.

“That’s baffling.” Thomas continues and his voice is strange, too low, not at all like the way he usually speaks. “It’s mind blowing to me that you’d want me to react like that. Be that.”

“I don’t!” Alex denies, his head spinning, because it’s true he doesn’t, not really. “Look, I’m just as confused as you are, okay? I thought I was being accepting, I thought I was allowing you to be more true to your nature and so I was expecting all these behaviors to manifest that never showed up and when they didn’t I freaked out, okay? I thought that maybe you’d changed your mind about me.”

“Fuck, man.” Thomas says and now instead of anger or hurt, he looks tired. “You thought I’d be territorial? Because alphas are ‘suppose to be’ possessive of their mates, right?”

Alex nods, afraid to speak, afraid to further damn himself with his own insecurities.

“Like, that’s not untrue, but people over exaggerate it. Miscontextualize it.” Thomas continues. “I’m not interested in putting you on a leash and yanking you around, Alex. That does nothing for me. You got to be responsible for yourself.”

“But you like it.” Alexander says. His voice is soft, almost wounded. “You like the submission part. You like it.”

He knows the words coming out sound almost accusatory, but confusion is leaving him feeling raw and his nerves feel frayed and tender.

“I do.” Thomas affirms and his features soften as he looks up at the omega. “The parts of yourself you gift me are precious. But none of it means anything unless it’s something you decided to give.”

Thomas must notice the edge he’s hovering over because he rises from his chair and crosses the distance between them, taking Alexander’s hands in his own, squeezing them gently, just enough pressure that the omega is able to relax incrementally.

“Remember what I told you?” Thomas whispers, ducks his head so their eyes are level, so Alex can’t hide, so he can focus. “It’s about trust. It’s always been about trust. You showed me that you trusted me with yourself and I returned that. I trust you to do what you like.” 

“Within reason.” He clarifies when Alex begins to squirm. “Because I’m at a place where I trust you not to hurt me like that. I don’t think you would and I believe you when you tell me that you don’t want to. It seemed like you wanted to dance with that woman and I gave you my blessing and my indifference because that’s all the situation deserved.

“I didn’t want to dance with her.” Alex mumbles sulkily, looking at their hands, his eyes glued to the way their fingers entangle together.

“You didn’t have to.” Thomas replies in a murmur.

“I got so fucking jealous when you started talking up that dude. I thought I was going to lose it.”

“You should have told me. By the way you’ve been acting I didn’t think you’d mind.”

“For future reference, I do. You may not be possessive but I think I might be.” Alex sighs. “We’re together, right?”

“Yeah, Alexander. I’d say so.”

“Exclusive?”

“Yup.”

“So, I’ve been a piece of shit.”

“Yeah.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Thomas butts their foreheads together. “But don’t pull that bullshit on me again. If you have a problem, say something. I’m not a mind reader. And don’t assume, just ask.”

“Okay, yeah. Of course.” Alex nods his head. “I can do that.”

The silence is comfortable, the air between them no longer hostile and bitter

“So, now that we’ve more than established that I’m an idiot.” Alex murmurs a moment later. “There’s still something I don’t get.”

Thomas sighs. “What’s that?”

“If you weren’t interested in other options, then why did you feel like you needed to ask for space?”

“It’s stupid.” Thomas says and Alexander picks out a note of embarrassment in his voice. “You stopped eating your lunches and it made me feel like an asshole.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

“Alpha thing?”

Thomas shrugs. “I like seeing you fed. I like being the person to do it.”

“Explain it to me.”

“It was something you trusted me to take care of.” And there it is. That word again. “Until you didn’t.” 

Thomas’s eyes seek him out and Alex watches as the alpha’s lips tilt into a crocked smile, self-deprecation coming through loud and clear. “Look, I know you’re not a baby. You’re not defenseless or incapable and I understand how you might feel like it’s demeaning or patronizing when you could easily do it by yourself, I just like it. Like a lot. So, when I started noticing that you weren’t eating them anymore I got bummed out. And when I pressed the issue I felt like I was suffocating you but I couldn’t stop myself. I felt like I had to step back before I forced you away.”

Thomas’s lips twitch. “I also just needed the space to lick my wounds in private.”

“I only stopped eating them when I thought I was misreading things between us,” Alex offers up quickly, the alpha’s confession spurring on his own. “I thought that maybe if I put some distance between us than maybe it wouldn’t be so hard when it all ended, because I’m an idiot and that’s what I thought was happening.”

It’s then that Thomas drops their hands and draws the omega forward into the cradle of his arms, pressing his face into the curve of Alexander’s neck to huff in his scent, a day apart being a day too long since he last had the pleasure. “You’re so dramatic.”

Alexander tilts his head up and soft, sweet-smelling ringlets tickle his nose. “Look who’s talking.”

 

***

 

Something stupidly solid lands dead center on his lower back while he’s sprawled out across Thomas’s mattress and the weight of it knocks the wind out of him and Alex finds himself gasping into the sheets.

“Special delivery.” Thomas crows somewhere to his right, sounding entirely too far away and entirely too pleased with himself for how early in the morning it is.

“ _Ouch_. What the fuck?” Alex whines, swatting at the angular _thing_ now resting against his hip and the bed.

“It’s a book. Read it.”

“It’s a fucking brick, Thomas.”

“You’re about as dense as one, _lover_.” Alex shudders at the word. “It’s exhausting to be your ambassador to all things alpha all the time, okay? Be a darling, make time and read the damn book.”

Alex grumbles but he shifts around and lets his gaze travel over the cover. “If I read the first two chapters now will you start the coffee pot for me?”

From the doorway, Thomas clicks his tongue thoughtfully. “Read the first four now and I’ll cook you breakfast too.”

“You’ll do that anyway though.” Alex points out.

Thomas smirks. “Good behavior warrants waffles, I think.”

Alex flops over and groans. “Ugh, fine.”

Still, he cradles the book up against the pillow next to him, flips through the introduction in no time at all, sinks his nose between the pages as he gets immersed in it, and breathes out a sincere, little sigh of thanks when Thomas presses a heated mug into his hand a little while later.

They’re trying, both of them.

This is how they’ll make this work.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm in every definition of the word, an amateur. So like continuity between my past stories may be an issue and OOCness is beyond likely. I apologize, every and all mistakes are my own. Enjoy despite its many flaws.


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